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~ x ~
5am has just gone by and I've realised that if I visit DeviantArt and pause for a little moment, and sit in the eye of the clutter and strange noises and gratuitous nudity to actually digest what I'm doing, what I've done here, what here has done for me, recall the names and avatars that have come and gone, smile at the familiar faces and the new ones...I get very sentimental. In a way, it's like peering into a series of time capsules, documenting my life and artistic state. In a way it makes me sad. I genuinely yearn for the time when I could maintain real interactions here, and was so excited to upload something new almost every week. I was excited to be discovering that I wanted to be an artist for life. I didn't appreciate the luxury of all that time and uninterrupted opportunities to act on inspiration.
As I've gotten older I think I've grown increasingly introverted. The internet and online connections truly overwhelm me. They almost scare me. I'm plugged in to so many social portals, all of which are directly or indirectly a means to promote myself and my work, and are a blurring of my identities as a person and as an artist. I make a distinction because if I didn't I think I'd be consumed. I don't really know by what
, it's just some vague and unformed bit of knowledge contained within me that I could end up in an asylum.
Ideas for artwork I would once commit to reality now endlessly circle the inside of my head, and half the time that's almost enough for me. Having the idea, visualising the finished piece. It's a very weird place to be as an artist. Perhaps the lack of free time for my own work has forced me to be so selective with what I pursue that I've just arrived at a point where I filter everything
I don't really have a point or an argument here, I'm just some guy with ruminations and fingers, and a rare urge to share something of myself in this moment. I'll probably wake up feeling completely different, haha.
Part of me knows that in order to "make it" as an artist, I will one day have to quit my day job as a designer and throw myself into artmaking full time with no ropes and no returns. It's all just treading water til then.
But on the bright side I've just returned from an awesome 4 week trip around Japan with my girlfriend. It was genuinely inspiring creatively, a bit of a wake up call to be less precious in the creation of my work and the following through of ideas. Style, originality, weirdness, wonder, skill, fantasy, flow and beauty. I like those things, others like those things, just do it.
~Simanion/Simon, but which one I don't know